HOW TO HEAL AFTER A BREAKUP

You feel as if you cannot carry on, life is not how you wanted it to be. You have no idea how you are even going to make it through the day. The end of a relationship is a serious event in your life and will bring about change in so many parts of you.

The responses you are having to this breakup will bring about so many responses not only to your emotional being but to your physical side too. You are grieving and you are going to go through many stages before you end this grieving process.

1. Denial

You refuse to believe that this is happening, you feel as if there is no way you can live without your ex. You feel as if you will do anything to make this work again and you go between seeing it is over and then denying it again. The reality here is that it is over. This relationship as it was is over.

2. You want answers

This becomes all consuming, you are desperately trying to understand why this happened, it is all you can talk about or think about. The reality here is that there are always going to be questions that go unanswered.

3. Bargaining

You feel as if you will do anything to make this work, you blame yourself for everything that has gone wrong. You think you can take this pain away by fixing everything and getting him back. The reality here is that there were 2 people in the relationship, and you are not responsible for everything.

4. Anger

The complete numbness will start to lift, and it may very well be replaced with anger. Here you start to realise that hey, you were not to blame, and you did deserve better treatment and how dare he put you through this.

5. Relapse

You feel the anger taking hold and you send texts or call him demanding answers. You may beg him to come back and he may respond, and this will give you a bit of hope, but however hard you try the relationship is damaged and you have not allowed yourself to heal properly and the cycle will start all over again.

6. Surrendering

Eventually you will get to the stage where you start to realise that you need to accept things as they are. And it could still be because you have to and not because you want to. You start to think that trying and crying are not doing you any good.

7. Acceptance

As you start to accept the situation and even though you are still not happy about it but youstart to release that you are actually worth a lot more and you start to have vague feelings of hope for your life and that there might be some happiness out here for you and now you will slowly begin to heal. It does not mean that you will forget about the one you loved so much, and you will often face difficult situations where you walk into a place or smell a faint scent that reminds you of your ex. But I can guarantee that you will get a little stronger everyday.

One of the first steps towards healing is to look after yourself, pamper yourself, understand that what you are going through is real, but you will heal. You will probably still have all the questions swarming around your mind about how, why, when, what if. Try and limit those because there will always be unanswered questions and turn the thought into a fact. You are now single and how you can move forward from this point.

One of the most important steps is forgiveness and it is more important to forgive yourself. This forgiveness allows you to start seeing yourself for who you really are, and it becomes an important commitment to honour yourself for who you really are. Yes, you have lost your friend, your partner, your lover but in reality, you have not lost yourself and this is the time to reconnect with yourself, to find that wonderful person that you are.

It will get better and you will be stronger, and I hope you find the peace and acceptance you so rightly deserve.

My blessings to you and if you would like to discuss this please come and chat with me. GABRIELLA.